i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
