her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
