I am puke
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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