drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
