Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
