Do you still have your period?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
