so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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