I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
