he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just pee around me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
