My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
