If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
