apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
