im about as happy as oj after his trial
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
