You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
