I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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