Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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