The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
