Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
