You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
