if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
