Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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