And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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