Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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