I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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