She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
