we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
