my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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