Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
