i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
