just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
