dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
