Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
and she was petting her beer can
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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