my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
