the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
