Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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