we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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