I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
