Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
