It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she peed on how many people?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
