So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
