The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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