Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
