is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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