I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
