He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
