why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
