I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
