i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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