I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
