It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
