Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
