I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's just like the Real World with babies
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
